Your soymilk doesn’t bring any boys to the yard.
Every single function you attend has pizza and it's TORTURE.
"I guess I'll just hover and sniff for the entire night."
When your Lactaid spares you from bathroom visits but you're still cutting some rancid cheese.
"I wanted to blow people away, but not like this..."
When you just want a liiiittttleeee taste of ice cream...
"I can handle this teeny bite."
...and then you make a break for the bathroom.
"This is going to be a photo finish."
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